Love, Life and Puppy Dog Tales

I never knew Robert.  Never got to see his smiling face in person.  Never got to hear his laughter.  Never got to watch him learn to crawl, then walk, then run.  Never got to see the joy in his eyes that small children are capable of at the littlest things.   But today, I watched him grow up.  I got to see him as a newborn.  A growing baby.  A toddler sitting around in diapers.  A youngster discovering the absolute joys of a blue magic marker and hands and face and legs and everything in between. I got to see all the many people that touched him.  All the people he touched.  The souls he enriched in almost 6 1/2 years.   Picture after picture on the screen.  Sorting, sampling, deciding.  Admiring, staring.  Crying.  Seeing hurt that is just as raw now as it was in 2002.  Somehow feeling a piece of that hurt myself.   Somehow, in seeing all those snapshots  in time, I felt like ...

Just a small noise.  Just a little vibration.... just a peep in the right spot at the right time..... That's all it would take, and this would come tumbling down.... Ever feel like that?  Like just one more word.... one more gesture, one more look....  and the explosion will happen.....?? Been there.  Done that. Sometimes though... if you can hold it together long enough.... spring comes and a nice thaw allows it to melt away harmlessly. Words spoken can not be unsaid......

The road spoke to me. It is filled with possibilities. It is crisp and clean in its borders, yet its destination is unknown. Unless you were to take the time to follow it. And if you take the time to follow it, there are many things to notice. There are tracks that sort of parallel the road. Did someone else want to explore the road, but decide to do it their own way? There are power lines that are taking power to.... some one. Somewhere. Do I know them? Do I care? And is it more interesting to know that the road was photographed while driving on a highway above it? In some ways, I was following that road. In others, I was taking my own way. But for a moment in time, I paused to reflect just where does the road go to??

These were from a few weeks ago, but they strike me as crystal. Shiny. New. Sparkly. Just like a new year..... Happy New Year.

True to an earlier post, I have been living my life out. My partner and I have simply been us... where we go, we hold hands. We interact with the general public, retail and otherwise, holding hands, arm in arm, or some form of ritualistic together symbol. To be sure, we aren't making out in the street or the middle of Wal-Mart, but we are together nevertheless. Often, no one seems to notice. They are either oblivious to our presence in its entirety or they just simply don't care. Occasionally, people try to stare without being noticed, and when I make eye contact and smile, they tend to whither away, turn away, or suddenly realize the lint on their sleeve is the most important thing in the world to them right then. Last night was a little different. We walked into our regular Subway last night, hand in hand, as usual. And we were received with snickers from a small table. Two guys and one gal. I hesitate to call them boys and girls because they were older than that. B...

Didn't realize how much I would miss noise. To be sure, the riot that was exiting the house, isn't missed.... The demands for breakfast RIGHT NOW and dinner RIGHT NOW.... also not missed... But the tap tap tap of the feet behind me everywhere I went.... the sighs of disgust or pleasure as she laid on her bed... the cute little howl she would sometimes make.... the 'whispers' she tried to please me with... the harumph as she finally gave up following me around and would lay in the middle of the room to track me anyway.... All that noise... I miss it. There is so much more I miss. I know I grieved the loss of her working life a few years ago, but even that is feeling fresh and new again. Time. It will take time. I know that. But still, the tears fall.

There comes a time in every dog handlers life when you must say goodbye. Sometimes it is sudden, sometimes it is not.... but say goodbye you must. They give us so much... their heart, their dedication, their love, their work ethic.... they teach us so much.... and they are never around long enough. 3 years.... 13 years... it is never long enough. We ask them to do so much for us.... and they gladly do it... just show me how, they ask. And if you do your part, they do you proud. They want nothing more back from us than love, protection and care. From beginning to end. She came to me at 6 weeks of age... I had watched her from the day she was born to the day I took her home... I was going to make her into a SEARCH DOG. I had been down the road before, and had made my mistakes. Now, I KNEW what I was doing. So she was going to be IT. At 6 weeks of age, we were up at 5 am playing ball, so she had play drive. We were doing puppy run aways at 8 weeks old to instill in her ...