Love, Life and Puppy Dog Tales

  Preface: I started in the fire service in 1990 and in Search and Rescue in 1992.  I have seen a lot, more than some, less than others, but still, a lot.  This post was inspired by a newer SAR person wanting to prepare themselves for the first time they were a part of a body recovery.  I didn't respond to the question, but many others did, sharing their own thoughts and experiences.  It brought up a lot of thoughts that trickled through my brain all day.  It brought up memories of so many that I wasn't in time to save.  I wasn't late, there just wasn't time to save them.  So, I did the next thing I could do.  Help to recover them so that their families could move on.   There is some graphic imagery here and if you don't want to know what it's like, then stop reading now.  I don't want to make your day unpleasant or cause your nightmares.  I just want...  I just need to share what is stuck in my head.  A great ma...

The water boils below.  Rocks, drop-offs, boulders, and screaming fast, extremely cold water roars by.   Everyone is watching us.   Expectations are high.    From the highway, the slope is treacherous.  Granite boulders line the way down, and poison oak is often the handrail. Thinking the dog’s four-wheel-drive works better if he isn’t restrained, I send him on his way down the boulder field.  I am wrong.  He slips, he slides, he tumbles a bit.  Teammates along the way try to stop him and finally succeed. Water searching is his favorite.  Whether it is the mystery of it all or something else, I don’t know.  He believes all water has something in it for him to find.  I again think I can allow him to free search the area to give us a clue if what we are looking for is indeed here.   I am wrong.  My heart jumps into my throat as he crests the top of a gigantic boulder and begins the descent to make it to the water. ...

I listened as she spoke, not expecting what she was about to say.  I could tell it was hard to share and I just tried to allow the space between us to be safe for her to give me what she needed to.  A proud and strong woman, it was easy to tell that struggled to allow herself to be vulnerable in the moment. I allowed the shock of what she shared to wash over me and listened for the message she needed me to hear.  I waded through my own fears that her experience was dragging to the surface.  I barely suppressed the need to offer solutions to problems that had been horrifically resolved - though certainly not in her favor.  Her request of me was, in total, easy to say yes to.  The need for the request was brutal and heartbreaking. When we were done talking and resumed our day - getting back to the chaos that was our routine, I realized my heart was weeping.  It was not my pain to have, but I felt it and felt it deeply.   I breathed and quel...

In 1992 I embarked on a volunteer journey that has now spanned over half my life.  I've invested thousands of hours and countless miles in Search and Rescue. It is as much a part of my life as breathing. Until yesterday, I didn't realize how much I had come to expect death in this line of work. Which is funny, I guess, since I often work dogs that search only for dead people.  Yesterday's search was for a live person.  Without speaking it, I was anticipating that this missing person would be found dead.  There were so many factors that would indicate that likely outcome.  Elderly. Dense forest. Winter.  A storm on its way.  A night out lost despite the best efforts to make the find before that had to happen.  As I told my dog to go find, I steeled myself for what I considered the inevitable. It had been the outcome so many times before in circumstances nearly identical to this.   The dog I worked is trained to find missing people...

Kittens Cats Puppies Dogs Rabbits Birds Reptiles I spent nearly 7 years caring for their medical needs.  After 20 some years in private practice, I was in a whole new world of veterinary medicine. Apprehensive at first, it wasn't long until I dove into Shelter Medicine.  I knew I was lucky.  The shelter whose medical department I supervised prided themselves on caring for the animals that came through their doors, regardless of their malady.  If they were sick or injured, it was refreshing to know that the first option on the treatment list wasn't necessarily euthanasia.  That's not to say that euthanasia didn't happen.  It just wasn't the only thing that happened if the animal was sick or injured. We saved countless lives.  The team jumped into action time and again as each new case burst through the door.  Some were simple, and some were deeply complex.  A lot had happy endings that made myself and the team joyful...

I cried last month. Truth be told, I've cried most months of my life.  Something will be emotionally important in some way - like a song, or a movie - and I will cry.  It's not always out of sadness.  It can easily be from happiness and joy.  It's your body's way of letting those emotions spill out and evening out the chemistries in your brain and body. Last month's tears were tears of disappointment. I hadn't been riding my bike for a bit.  Then we moved and I was even less motivated to ride my bike.  Where we've moved to though is flat.  Seriously.  FLAT.  It should have been my dream come true place to ride.  I told myself I was settling in.  I was putting our house in order.  Waiting for the internet.  Waiting for the plumber.  Waiting for the electricity to come back on after a power pole replacement.  Waiting for the internet (it finally happened).  Waiting for the plumber - again....

Her intense grief reverberated throughout the forest and across the canyons.  I had talked with her only moments before, holding a secret inside. I knew what she did not know in that moment and I held on to the secret that wasn’t mine either to have or to share.  I gave her a little bit more time with her hope. Her hope that she would not have to grieve. She reached out and stroked my dog.  She thanked me for coming and helping in her most trying time.  She called me a hero. I certainly didn’t feel like any kind of hero. I came to this search with the same hope she had. He hadn’t been missing that long.  There was still a chance that he would make it. Still a chance that he was waiting for us to find him so he could go home. I drove through the night, knowing it was going to rain. I  drove hundreds of miles and a half dozen hours. It didn’t matter that I didn’t know him.  That has never mattered. What has always mattered was tha...