Monday, July 25, 2011

Circuit Overload

All of our lines are busy now... please try your call again later

Of late, I have begun to envision myself lying prostrate on the floor, as flat as can be.  Sometimes the vision is a relief, because if I am flat enough on the floor, then everything flying around me, aimed for me, won't hit me.

Sometimes the vision is scary, because it feels like I deflated and am nothing more than an area rug for people to step on without really noticing.

All the joy in life is gone.  I go through the motions hour by hour, day by day, all the while, trying to muster up the fascade of emotion to match the action, and am sure I often fall short.

I get up every morning.  The alarm goes off and the process of a day begins.

I go to work every day.  There are bill that are forever in need of payment.

The mysteries that once were a motivation are now handled by rote and moved on from without deeper consideration.

That that was my recharge, my "do because I want to do, do because it is the right thing to do" is no longer a recharge. It, in an of itself, has become a chore.

I have given and given and given and... now.... it seems there is no more to give.  

I have wondered what is wrong with me.  

All of my circuits are busy.  There are no lines available for incoming or outgoing calls.  

I need to find the reset switch.