Quiet

Didn't realize how much I would miss noise. To be sure, the riot that was exiting the house, isn't missed.... The demands for breakfast RIGHT NOW and dinner RIGHT NOW.... also not missed...

But the tap tap tap of the feet behind me everywhere I went.... the sighs of disgust or pleasure as she laid on her bed... the cute little howl she would sometimes make.... the 'whispers' she tried to please me with... the harumph as she finally gave up following me around and would lay in the middle of the room to track me anyway....

All that noise... I miss it. There is so much more I miss. I know I grieved the loss of her working life a few years ago, but even that is feeling fresh and new again.

Time. It will take time.

I know that.

But still, the tears fall.

Please 4/1996-12/2009

There comes a time in every dog handlers life when you must say goodbye. Sometimes it is sudden, sometimes it is not.... but say goodbye you must. They give us so much... their heart, their dedication, their love, their work ethic.... they teach us so much.... and they are never around long enough. 3 years.... 13 years... it is never long enough. We ask them to do so much for us.... and they gladly do it... just show me how, they ask. And if you do your part, they do you proud. They want nothing more back from us than love, protection and care. From beginning to end.

She came to me at 6 weeks of age... I had watched her from the day she was born to the day I took her home... I was going to make her into a SEARCH DOG. I had been down the road before, and had made my mistakes. Now, I KNEW what I was doing. So she was going to be IT. At 6 weeks of age, we were up at 5 am playing ball, so she had play drive. We were doing puppy run aways at 8 weeks old to instill in her the work that I wanted from her - to make it second nature. I didn't inhibit any behavior so I could find out what would be HER alert. And I got... a jump alert that she added a bark to. I let her pick her reward, so I knew which paycheck she wanted - we went through a tennis ball (fantastic toy, but not the end all be all for her for search....) a soft frisbee - worked great until she some how injured her mouth and refused to touch it again.... finally she chose a kong. Actually, she stole a kong from the vet office from our 'forgotten toy' bin.... I still have it. And then from there we were set for adventure.....

Her first find was a set of keys. My friend had left them in the grass at softball field one evening and then they turned the lights out.... after many people searched for them, I brought her out and she took all of 5 minutes and she found them. Her first live human find was of an alzheimer's man that had walked away from his home in the city of Chico. They had been searching for him for hours before they finally called Butte SAR. We had been working only a short time when her head popped up and over the small rise she flew. Then she was coming back to me, but she kept looking over her shoulder. I could then see our missing person, continuing to walk from yard to yard and she was trying her darndest to keep him in sight, and still keep coming to me to tell me what she had found. Her most memorable find, for me, was of a suicidal subject that had hidden himself in a van, and passed out. The night was dark and I was so focused on my dog that when she alerted, I didn't understand what she was telling me. She kept taking me to a clump of grass... that was all I could see. And when I didn't understand what she was telling me she finally flung herself up against the back of the van that I was standing next to and never saw. I got the message then.

In her life, she was mission ready with CARDA, Tehama County, and Butte County. She was mission ready in Wilderness, Water, Cadaver and BUDD (Basic Urban Disaster). She made an impression everywhere she went, and her voice wasn't soon forgotten. Many a boat driver who had experienced her before cringed with they saw us coming because she never shut up on a boat... except when she was pin pointing scent. Any thing that remotely looked like it could be a search area, brought out the barking monster that I created. No trip was for 'pleasure'... there had to be a search at the stopping point..... just ask her, she told you.

When I thought I wanted to quell her barking, and discovered a veterinary behaviorist was conducting a research project on barking dogs and the best method to control the barking, right here in town, I jumped right up and said PLEASE pick me! Dr Yin did... and then, within a week, rejected her for the research project, saying she was too well behaved... she never barked for Dr Yin.

Time, age and infirmity caught up to Please. I can't say she live a short life. Who can complain about nearly 14 years? Her working life was cut short due to joint problems, but her life with me was long and full.

In the end, I had to give to her the respect she had given to me over all the years we had together. I had to allow her her dignity. I had to say goodbye and let her exit gracefully. I couldn't be selfish and keep her around for me, knowing she was uncomfortable and in pain.

So, on December 5, 2009, I said goodbye to Please. The search dog that showed me what a search dog should be. The search dog that taught ME more about search dogs than I ever taught her about being a search dog.

Humor In The World

Often time life presents opportunities for us to laugh and Friday night was no exception.....

We walked into a restaurant, gave our name to the hostess and sat down. There was a woman and her child of about 3 or 4 standing next to the lobster tank. The child was STANDING on the bench, whining something to the mother. The child was looking at the lobsters and wanting to hold one... The mother was trying to tell her they weren't creatures you could hold, but the child was getting louder and more persistent. Then an employee enabled this child by coming along and actually scooping one up and bringing it over to the mother and child.

While the room of people waiting for their meal watched, the mother explained very matter of factly to the child that she could not hold the lobster, she could only pet it. The employee turned the lobster over and said "you can pet it's belly". The little girl reached out and petted the belly of the lobster - ONCE - and pulled away. As the employee put the lobster back in the tank the mother said:
Do you have kids?

And before employee could speak aloud her reply (which was a 'no'), with a sigh, the mother said:

If not, remember this.

The room burst into laughter, including the employee, while the mother collected her girl and went back into the restaurant.


There was probably some karmic retribution to those of us seated in the lobby, as we all were seated next to the large family gathering that included this mother and child and got to continue to witness the antics of said unruly girl, but we clung to the mother's exasperated earlier comment of

If not.... remember this....

The Closet Door Is Glass

There is a civil rights movement going on. In a country where the declaration of independence says that all men are created equal, there is, once again, a civil rights movement going on. Years ago, women didn't have the right to vote. People fought, people got hurt, people died. After many years of struggle, women gained the right to vote. Years ago, black people had no rights. People fought, people got hurt and people died. After many years of struggle, black people gained their civil rights. Or some of them. And they had to fight again for more, like marrying the person that they loved, regardless of 'color.'

Now people are deciding, almost square acre by square acre, across this country, my civil rights. It seems as though the question of my civil rights has come up a lot in the last year. I find it interesting that all the other people in the nation have a say in my basic civil rights. One might think that in a nation where civil rights struggles have occurred time and again, that, as a nation, it might not be a hard fight to recognize that I am a human being, deserving of rights, simply because I am a human being.

We have been complacent too long. We need to fight. We need to stand up and be counted. We need to get in the face of those who think that they are better than we because they can love someone of the opposite sex. We need to stop standing on the sidelines waiting for our rights to happen. We, as a population of people, need to come together and say that we won't take it any more.

The argument against our struggle being similar to those struggles.... woman's suffrage and the civil rights movement involving black people.... is that "You can hide that you're gay... I can't hide that I am black." Wow. So that means that they deserve rights and I don't? Because I can hide who I am?

Since coming out of the closet, I have never looked back. Sometimes I have scurried behind it for a moment or two, but for the most part, I have been as out as I could be. And frankly folks.... all the lesbian and gay folks out there... that is what MUST happen.

I am not saying that coming out is easy. There are consequences to every action. You may have some struggle at work. You may have to deal with family turmoil. You may have to move. You may have to make changes in your life. You may get hurt. I am not wishing for anyone to have pain, emotional or physical in their life, but the fact remains ....

We must come out. We must show that being in the closet isn't an option. Why should I have to hide who I am in order for people to convey my civil rights to me? And it doesn't even work. Hiding in the closet doesn't work.

For any of you that are struggling with coming out of the closet, let me let you in on a little secret....

YOUR CLOSET DOOR IS GLASS.

Everyone around you knows. They may know and have had many discussions about it. They may know and not want to know. So it doesn't bother them when you are denied your civil rights because you, the gay person in their life, don't have a face to them. But never the less, the closet door is glass.

Break thru. Step out. Walk into the sun.

Rosa Parks stood up for herself and for all the black people in the nation by sitting at the front of the bus.

Find your 'front of the bus'.....

Go to walmart and hold hands with your girlfriend. Give your boyfriend a quick kiss as you walk through the mall. Be noticed. Be brave. Be strong. Be OUT.

Be yourself.

Drives, Photographs, and Dogs

What do you get when you combine a wonderful trip to Portland, night time, a drive to a high point called Rocky Butte, and forgetting a tripod shoe for your camera?

You have a beautiful view of a wonderful city, with a fantastic camera and an excellent tripod.... with no way of getting them together to steady that phenomenal night shot you had in your head.

Most would say ... that sucks, cuz you don't get pictures.

Which is initially what I thought too. I had gone to Portland, hoping for a few nightscapes of a big city. Funny, my friend up there said she didn't think Portland was a big city.... I guess it's all in your perspective. Never the less, I persevered. I tried using the cement borders of this landmark in the city, only to discover that none of them were flat. Didn't make for good photos. Then I just decided to go this route:


I also discovered that trying to photograph waterfalls in the rain, especially when the rain included very low lying clouds, proved to be unsatisfactory. Kaeden thought driving around to all kinds of waterfalls was somewhat fun, but mostly annoying because every place looked like a fantastic place to explore. Except he never got to get out at any one of them.



Aside from this excursion, Kaeden had a blast, as we did as well.

Ah my handsome man at council crest in Portland Oregon.

This leaves us looking forward to the next trip to the Big City.

Night On The Town

In a smallish town well known for it's party reputation and it's big Labor Day Float down the river, we decided to join the night life. We watched as we saw police everywhere on look out for idiots (there were plenty) and drunks (more of those too...) We then decided to look beyond the people and reach for what the city had to offer.... We saw the sights... and I decided to capture it on "film". (OK... Memory Card, but that doesn't sound as romantic!)

This is a sample of what we saw last night. This is passing Casa Ramos on West East Avenue (don't ask, my opinion on street names was never sought.....)

Look for more to come....

A puppy dog tale!!!

This is my boy saying "IT'S HERE" and in the next moment, as we were rowing away, he was saying "BUT WAIT!! IT'S BACK THERE!!!"



He truly loves his job.