Love, Life and Puppy Dog Tales

The gentle music of the chimes just outside the door is soothing.  It also makes me feel nostalgic.   Previously, I hated windchimes.  It was senseless noise that my brain always wanted to turn into a melody but never could.  It would cause frustration and make me shut the window or door to try to tune out the noise. Not now.  Not with this windchime.  A gift given to us in remembrance of Caliber, the random tune it periodically plays is a reminder of Caliber.  Caliber was a talker.  From an early age, she shared her voice and we hoped it would stay a part of her.  She'd make us laugh when she interjected into a conversation, and I suppose that reinforced her desire to share her opinion.  Rarely did her voice rise to a 'yell' - a bark.  It was always a growly, sometimes sing-song type sound.  She'd be laying on the bed, seemingly asleep as we chatted away about our day.  Quietly there'd be a noise that would emanate from her.  She needed her beauty sleep, and we wer

Recently after a class I was teaching at a conference, a friend who was in one of the classes that I taught took a moment to ask me a question. You and Kristi are married, right? Yes, yes, we are, I replied. Then why did you refer to her as your 'partner' in the class today?  I thought for a moment and finally said that for me it seemed to be a comfort level thing.   It depended on the audience.    She seemed to understand and let it go, but it has since swum around in my head, churning up my thoughts on the matter. To a degree, I felt as though she had caught me in a lie.  Kristi is my wife.  Why wouldn't I refer to her as such?   As I delved deeper into my thoughts on this, I realized that some things I thought about myself aren't true.  One:  I am not as comfortable with my sexuality as I thought I was.  Extrinsically anyway.  Two:  I don't feel as safe in this world as I thought I did.  The second realization is the reason for the first thought

My coming out story is violent. It involved punches, blood, fear, and rejection. A rejection that changed the trajectory of my life. My parents were great about it. My coming out process to them was just that… a carefully planned process. I intentionally introduced them to couples who were ‘normal’ - they had fabulous jobs and led a ‘normal’ life. It just happened that they were lesbian couples. Each introduction went swimmingly well. There were no side effects - no negative conversations after the fact indicating that my parents had been nice to their faces, but in fact, were pessimistic about the people and their ‘lifestyle.’ On the contrary, my parents were wonderfully positive about them. When I felt confident enough that I wouldn’t be rejected by my parents - and I had moved out and was living on my own, supporting myself - I visited my parent’s home and told them. Well… truth be told I told my mom and said she could tell my dad. Her response? “We’ve already talked about it.