Saturday, December 29, 2007

A Wonderful Day Defined

Rainy. Dreary. Dark. Cold. Wet. Ah... what a wonderful day today was!!! I was able to get my dogs out to run, work and play. They have never cared much about the weather!
Please, my old girl, wanted to play and run and fetch, something that she hasn't wanted to do in a long time. For the first time in a long time, I was the one who called it quits on the ball. Over the last year, she has often stopped within 3 or 4 throws. Today was an exceptional day for her. At my feet now, she sighs contentedly, satisfied with her day.

Kaeden, the youngster at 2 going on 3, ran his heart out today. Kong, ball, dog, whatever there was to run for, he did. We played one on one with the ball for quite some time and he really looked like a serious hunting dog when the ball would disappear n the grass. You know it's been a good play day when mostly white dog is a shade of chocolate at the end.

Hazer, my middle boy, got to play ball and to work. Work is his life and when he makes the find, he lights up! Then it is Kill the Kong time! Ahhh the paycheck he lives for! Working, he is fluid beauty in motion. His great day is defined by his white face, head and neck being brown striped all over from the Kill the Kong fun he has.

As for me.... I was cold, though not uncomfortably so, and wet..... learned my boots that I so dearly love and are so so so comfortable are no longer keeping the water at bay.... but alas, I am pleased with the day and needing to express it.

Here's to a beautiful day!!

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Joys of Life

I couldn't resist sharing this with the world. This is Kaeden. He is the kind and mirthful soul that was sent to me to make me laugh each and every day of my life for as long as I am blessed to have him. He often finds things and brings them to me. As I am trying to teach him to put laundry in the basket, more often than not it is socks that he brings to me, but this was a special package he brought to me.

Now my secret is out .... I don't make cookies from scratch...

Hope he made you smile too!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

The Gift - Another Tomorrow

Just when you think that your life has gone wrong at every turn, something comes along to tell you that no matter how bad it is, better can be right around the corner if you have the patience and the faith to wait for it.

Take this story, for example.

4 days and 3 nights out in the woods with no means for making fire, no food and only your children and a concrete hole to keep you warm..... not sure if you're going to make it out alive to see the Christmas that is just around the corner.

Against all odds, this family survived nights that should have killed them. And they now have another tomorrow.


Saturday, December 8, 2007

LEAP of faith

LEAP is the newest command I am teaching Kaeden, my youngest dog. He already knows how to do it, but I am putting a word to the activity so I can command it. It is fun. Fun to watch him do, as well as fun to say the word "LEAP"!

I am looking for, perhaps needing, the smallest joys lately. The little things that happen that make me smile. Kaeden leaping for joy (well, for him, joy is breakfast and dinner) is one of those things. Having the opportunity to see Tegan and Sara in concert was another AND a bonus is that my wife got to join me at that concert. Good highlights of the week.

My wife has been a wonderful partner! She is being wonderfully supportive and encouraging and uplifting. Yet another thing in my life I can think about that makes me smile.

And yet...

For some reason, getting on this blog makes me feel philosophical, or at the very least, introspective. So many things that never used to bother me or get to me are needling their way into my brain.
I feel raw. Exposed. There seem to be many events in my life that affect me far deeper than they used to. And yet I don't get out the emotion inside. I feel very much on the edge of something big, emotionally speaking. I am feeling very ambiguous as well... On the one hand I want to be a part of change, but at the same time I am inert. I can't get up out of the chair and DO to make that change happen.

Maybe there is emotion in me that needs to make its way out. From an outward look, I have experienced some recent losses that should be affecting me. If I think about it analytically, I am fairly sure that I haven't grieved any of those losses to any deep extent. Honestly, I am not sure I know how.

So for now, I keep saying LEAP..... and the lesson will be learned.

Monday, December 3, 2007

A Martini For Breakfast and a Muffin for Dinner

I had a martini this morning. It was the CUTEST thing! It fit into my hand just perfectly and it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. If all martini's could be this cute and this enlightening, I would have one every morning! Yes it was before noon, and no I don't THINK I have a drinking problem. I did have to give the Martini back.

Oh, I'll get to hold that Martini again, of that I am sure! She'll need her vaccines just as soon as she gets well... Martini is a 1.1 pound black and white ball of kitten fluff! She came in with a bit of a cold this morning and it tickled me to no end to say a client brought me a Martini for breakfast!

I got to end my day with a Muffin. Just as cute and slightly bigger than Martini, Muffin is another cute kitten I had the privilege to meet today. A very good beginning to the week, I'd say!

If only every day could begin with a Martini and end with a Muffin.... I would be in heaven!

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Death of a week

I so desperately needed this week to be over. It is the beginning of the holiday season and in my job, that means it's the beginning of the death season. Statistically, the number of animals we put to sleep goes up sharply, for whatever reason. This week, I helped to euthanize 5 young dogs and cats because of things out of my control - all medical issues that caused them horrible pain or extreme illness that could not be corrected. The age range was from 3 months to 9 months old. One was a puppy that belonged to a good friend of mine. I managed to get through Thursday before having a mini breakdown at home with my wife. I know it was all for the best for every one of the animals, but to have so many in one week was a bit much for my mental health.

So I hope to put this week behind me and go onto the next week and find some kind of joy again in the job that I do.

Time goes on

A flower laid on a grave. It seemed only yesterday yet it was a week ago. There are other other significant events that happened this year and they feel as though they happened in another life. All that remains are distant memories and a vague feeling of having done something, yet it seems it happened to someone else.

It is so hard to take that first step, whatever that first step is. Trying something new is scary, as the unknown often is. I am not sure when I became so afraid of trying new things. And I am not sure how to overcome that fear.

That is how I think I find myself suddenly a week beyond a funeral, nearly 6 months after a marathon, or almost 12 years into the life of a wonderful furry friend. I've slipped into something comfortable. And I don't know how to shed that familiar robe, even if it is becoming no longer warm and comfortable. It is still easy to wear the robe, because even if I do nothing, tomorrow still comes.

I ask myself if there will be a point where being unhappy with the prospect of my tomorrow will make me change my tomorrow.

I don't have an answer.