Ebb And Flow

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In the days that follow, the grief ebbs and flows.  It's always unexpected.  What should bring tears doesn't.  Suddenly, the wave crashes over top of me, and tears flood the room.

Around me, so many others are grieving the loss as if it were their own. Truth be told, it is their own too. After four years of therapy with "Dogtor" Raezor, they all had a connection with her. You couldn't help but connect with her.  That was her special gift.  As they offer their sympathies, they are also feeling the loss and I am finding myself saying the same words to them, trying to console them.  I feel bad because I don't have much I can give for I am consumed with the loss myself.  This is a first for me and I am uneasy with the feeling of my inability to help another.

"The stupid, untrainable dog" was the best gift we could have ever been lucky enough to be blessed with.  She brought joy and light into a room. She could temper herself to her audience on instinct alone.  A grieving mother having just identified her son's body? Raezor became soft and gentle, leaning in and touching, letting that mother feel that she was listening to as much of his life story as she wanted to share.  A missing person excited to be found? She was full of bouncing kisses. She could read a room better than anyone.  In the meetings we went to, she had free reign to wander the room as she saw fit.  She would go to anyone who may have needed a little boost - whether they knew it or not - and connect with them.  She also knew who she could get her own boost from, and she would crawl into their lap and absorb their good energy so she could share more of herself with someone else. When she hung out in my office, she always knew when I needed her and would quietly appear at my side.  I would pet her and my stress level that had just spiked would instantly drop.  You can't teach that.

She was an old soul who chose us to share her life and wisdom with.  While we knew it was coming, losing her hurt and hurts every day.  I am comforted by her memories and enjoy sharing her stories with others, regardless of the tears that fall while I tell them.

Raezor 5/14/2010-8/5/2022

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