Saturday, December 8, 2007

LEAP of faith

LEAP is the newest command I am teaching Kaeden, my youngest dog. He already knows how to do it, but I am putting a word to the activity so I can command it. It is fun. Fun to watch him do, as well as fun to say the word "LEAP"!

I am looking for, perhaps needing, the smallest joys lately. The little things that happen that make me smile. Kaeden leaping for joy (well, for him, joy is breakfast and dinner) is one of those things. Having the opportunity to see Tegan and Sara in concert was another AND a bonus is that my wife got to join me at that concert. Good highlights of the week.

My wife has been a wonderful partner! She is being wonderfully supportive and encouraging and uplifting. Yet another thing in my life I can think about that makes me smile.

And yet...

For some reason, getting on this blog makes me feel philosophical, or at the very least, introspective. So many things that never used to bother me or get to me are needling their way into my brain.
I feel raw. Exposed. There seem to be many events in my life that affect me far deeper than they used to. And yet I don't get out the emotion inside. I feel very much on the edge of something big, emotionally speaking. I am feeling very ambiguous as well... On the one hand I want to be a part of change, but at the same time I am inert. I can't get up out of the chair and DO to make that change happen.

Maybe there is emotion in me that needs to make its way out. From an outward look, I have experienced some recent losses that should be affecting me. If I think about it analytically, I am fairly sure that I haven't grieved any of those losses to any deep extent. Honestly, I am not sure I know how.

So for now, I keep saying LEAP..... and the lesson will be learned.

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