Friday, February 29, 2008

Overwhelmed

I have spent this week with a deep seated sense of sitting on the edge of .... something. Mostly I have felt like I was just about to fall off that edge. My hold on my surroundings and my ability to control my small universe were tediously on the brink of falling apart. I have never felt so grateful for a Friday. I am so overwhelmed I am having trouble seeing far enough ahead to feel that there is an end to this constantly anxiety producing state.

So many aspects of my life are in turmoil. As more demands are made, my response is becoming more and more "STOP - I can't get to it, I can't do it" and dangit, the world won't stop long enough for me to catch my breath, regroup and get myself together again. With my wife working nearly non stop, I have had no grounded connection to the part of myself that I have needed to find my sanity.

I hope to be able to utilize this weekend, and the upcoming week, to catch my breath. It is in this way that I envy my dogs. Each moment is a new opportunity for someone to give a treat, give a pet, throw a ball, feed a meal ... do something... but the point being they expect nothing but good out of their next moment. Now. Dogs are good at Now.

So for now, I just keep breathing. Necessary for getting to the next moment.

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