Saturday, August 23, 2008


I have been violated. I have been accused of being in a relationship that is not "the ideal situation for children" and it was posted on my door.

I am incensed. Outraged. Just plain PISSED OFF. People came on to my property, walked past my rainbow flag, and posted a notice on my door that is PRO proposition 8 - the proposed amendment to the constitution that would only recognize a marriage between a man and a woman. I wasn't home and my WIFE was sleeping when they showed up at our door, so they left their brochure along with a hand written note that said "Sorry we missed you."

Actually, we are sorry we missed them. It could have been an interesting discussion.

Among other things the brochure says:
"A Man, A Woman, Plus California's Children. While death and divorce may prevent it in too many cases, the ideal situation for children is to be raised by a married mother and father. Proposition 8 is a positive step.

Proposition 8 protects our children from being taught in public schools that same-sex marriage is the same as traditional marriage..."

Trying to appeal to people who know gay and lesbian couples and who wouldn't want to 'take away' something from them, it says that Prop 8 doesn't take away any rights or benefits from gay or lesbian domestic partners. But it goes on to say "Proposition 8 will not change this [the rights of domestic partners]. It just wouldn't be called marriage, and public school teachers wouldn't have to tell children it is the same as marriage."

This makes me angry on SO many levels!!! They say they are protecting children. What I get from what they say is that if Prop 8 passes, teachers will get to tell children that only men and women can get married to each other. What do gays and lesbians get to do??? Do they get to be 'domesticated'? They can form a partnership that is, supposedly just like marriage, (it ISN'T) but can't be called marriage because gays and lesbians are 'different'? How's that for perpetuating discrimination! Prop 8 makes it legal to teach discrimination. How nice.

And on another level... who is anyone to say that the "ideal situation" for raising children is with a married mother and father? Really? What makes it ideal? Because they are married? When did the fact that two people got married automatically make them ideal parents? Is there some potion that is drunk at the wedding that infuses ideal parental instincts?

Now I don't want children. But PLENTY of my gay and lesbian friends do and have. I suppose I am not an expert, but they appear to be doing a fine job of raising their children.


I don't understand why it matters to ANYONE else who I marry. Someone needs to tell me how I hurt anyone else when my wife and I got married. I know tons of heterosexual married people and their individual marriages didn't affect anyone else right to living their life the way they choose. My marrying my wife didn't change anyone else's marriage or rights to anything else.

I HATE being violated.


Dr. Cason said...

Oh... Wow...

I feel for you. Your property is your space. And you have been violated and I'm sorry.

It's a fight that we will have to still keep fighting for a while now. It's closer for you than I but know that there are people that still speak up about the rights of same sex marriage.

Tom said...

"who is anyone to say that the "ideal situation" for raising children is with a married mother and father?"

When they give you this line, I'd ignore the response that we can parent just as well as straight people can. Instead, ask them "How will denying marriage equality further your goal of having more children grow up with both a mother and a father?"

While they are stuttering for an answer, you can add that all denying marriage equality will do is deny the children who ARE being married in same-sex households the benefit of stability that marriage brings. So instead of protecting children, they are actually achieving the opposite goal.

Chino Blanco said...

According to Frank Schubert, 'Yes on 8' campaign manager, the mobilization of LDS (Mormon) volunteers could save his campaign up to $26 million in costs related to micro-targeting persuadable voters.

Micro-Targeting Mormons

So much for campaign finance rules.

Fabs said...

Yeah, that is crap. A marriage can't really be defined as a man-woman thing, a marriage should be defined as the relationship that two individuals share and one would hope that, be it a heterosexual couple or a homosexual couple, that relationship involves the same ideals (love, trust, friendship, sharing, etc.) which I would think are essential in any marriage.
Being raised by a single father, who I feel did a great job, I can't agree that the ideal situation for a child is necessarily with married parents (hello, how many abusive households are there because parents stay together when they should not?!!). My own parents were miserable with each other, how is that a great situation for a child? Kids should not be brought into discussion for this Prop, they just deserve a home that will love them, nuture them and teach them. Single parents, two parents, same sex long as a child grows with love, care and education, that is an ideal environment.

T. J. Hand said...

Thank you so much to those of you that have made private comments to me directly as well as those of you who have commented here. Tom I just love what you have said. It is an awesome response.

Keep it coming!

Tom said...

Thanks, TJ. (Of course I found an error in my comment, I meant to say "children who ARE being raised -- not married -- in same-sex households"

Anyway, if they Yes on 8 christianists catch you at home next time, don't slam the door or turn them away. Instead, invite them in. Fix them a cup of tea. (Herbal, of course.) Make sure you boil the water slowly - it tastes better that way. Sit them down and ask LOTS of questions. When they ask you a question, think it over VERY carefully. I'd suggest taking at least two or three minutes to respond. You don't want to give any rash or ill-considered answers. If they hurry you, just say "I'm considering it prayerfully." Before they leave, ask if they would join you in a moment of prayer. Make sure YOU lead the prayer. And remember, God has all the time in the world, so don't leave anything out. If they spend less than an hour in your house, you've failed.

Every extra two minutes they spend with you is two minutes they can't spend spreading their lies.

Patrick Meighan said...

I'm sorry this happened to you. I hope you respond to it constructively: by fighting with every spare minute you have between now and November to defeat Prop 8 and defend marriage equality for all Californians.

To sign up as a volunteer, go here:

I put in a volunteer shift every Thursday night, and will continue to do so every week 'til Election Day. FWIW, I'm heterosexual, a weekly church goer (I'm a Unitarian Universalist), a husband, and a father of a 3-year-old daughter, and I want her to someday be able to marry the person she loves (and who loves her) regardless of his or her gender.

Patrick Meighan
Culver City, CA

Chino Blanco said...

Just a heads up: Mike Huckabee recently gave an interview in which he holds Mitt Romney responsible for implementing gay marriage in Massachusetts.


Welcome to the coalition.

I wish that more rank and file members of the LDS (Mormon) church would realize: the anti-gay coalition they've joined in California is one that includes folks who - given the chance - would vote their church out of existence.

Folks like Mike Huckabee and his Evangelical buddies.