Tuesday, September 30, 2008


I am listening.

I am hearing my dogs talk to me. I have one asking for more adventures. More more more more more, please. I have one asking what can he do next - whatever I want, he will deliver... just tell him what it is.

And I have one that is reaching out to important people in her life... in my life.... those that are open enough to listen. She is trying to prepare me for her transition. I can hear enough of what she is saying to understand that.

I need to let her know I am complete now. That the purpose she was here to fulfill with me she has completed. I need to let her know that WHEN she is ready, I am okay with her going on to her next mission. And if she needs help in that transition that I am here for her for that.

I see nothing really wrong with her, just by looking at her. I mean, I know that she has an enlarged heart and that she has horrible hips that are painful for her. I know that she can't hear well and her last bloodwork showed her kidneys were beginning to have problems.

But to just look at her, she isn't dying.

She went for a hike in the woods with me on Sunday and it filled me with joy to watch her light up when she saw the lake and just run as fast as her legs would take her to the water and just jump right in. As she left the lake, she hesitated momentarily as she realized the steepness of the hill to get back up to me, but she did it anyway. And her face just radiated joy. It was she and I again together in the woods.... reminiscent of times past when it was her role to search for that missing person and to lead me.

I know she is readying for her transition and she is rallying people around me and letting them know so that when she does go, I won't be alone with it. That is her taking care of me.

I am listening. I'm just searching for the courage to be able to let her go and let her know it's okay. I need to take care of her.

I am listening.

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