Friday, August 21, 2015
Comparison and Accountability
Let me share a little secret with you.
I am using you.
You read that right.
I am pretty sure at least one person reads what I write here. Maybe even two.
You are my accountability.
Having you here makes me want to be honest. To honestly share the good and the ugly. I don't promise to have answers for anyone. I do promise to be honest here however.
I come here to share my emotions, my experiences, my journey. It is all mine.
In my mind however, I imagine there's someone out there waiting for me to share one more time. One more thing.
And so I come here and give this to you. Give me to you.
When I first started riding, I shared with an amazing friend that doing this was hard. Not just the physical part, but the emotional, mental part. I was afraid to do this because I couldn't ride as much, as fast or as far as she does and has.
I was shaking as I said that to her, shaking the way only a raw emotion makes you shake. The words unsaid, the words I couldn't speak out loud because they were a deeper truth than I could express, were that I didn't believe I ever could.
Maybe my silence still shared that inner voice with her.
She spoke a simple truth.
I can't compare myself to her. Or to anyone else.
I only have myself to be better than.
It has taken me 3 weeks to hear what she said.
I can only use myself as a measuring tool.
A month ago I wasn't doing anything. 3 weeks ago, I road 2.5 miles at an average speed of 9.3mph with an elevation gain of 232 feet - and 3 weeks ago my slowest average speed was 8.9mph.
Today, I rode 5.7 miles at an average speed of 9.6mph with an elevation gain of 524 feet.
In 3 weeks I have ridden 49 miles.
My motivation has to be me. I can't do it to catch up to her. I have to do it for me.
And following that logic
All I can compare me to
Today's number is 244. Maybe I am getting somewhere.