Friday, August 28, 2015
"This route is defeating."
I was talking on my ride this morning. The route that I do 'regularly' was the subject of the conversation.
As I ride it, it is hard. At least it is hard for me. I just get going and then I have to adjust. I am either riding up a hill or turning down a street. Sometimes turning down a street and going up a hill. I have no way to get into a steady pace or rhythm. At least that's what I said.
And that's partly true.
The bigger truth is that each of those hills makes me want to stop. It gets so hard to make it up and when I am at the top, I just want to stop.I want to stop because I feel like I should make it up the hill and then just go. Really go. Why not? I am past the thing that was slowing me down. The road isn't going up any more.
But I can't just go. I am spent. I am unable to make my legs go round and round faster. It takes me what feels like a long while to finally get moving again, and then I am adjusting to the road again.
"You can't "go" because you can't "go" ... you just came off a hill."
But other people can. Other people come off that tiny hill behind me and they can just fly. Fly almost like they hadn't come off a hill at all.
Therein lies my problem. Once again, I am comparing me to what others can do. Not comparing me to what I have done and what I can do.
I take it a step further.
I hear myself saying "I will never be able to."
When I step back, however; and really think about it, I have already done the things I have said I can't do.
I pushed my bike up the hills. Nearly every single one.
Now I ride up them. The whole way.
I make it further than I thought. I did over 6 miles today and it didn't feel like I had gone that far at all. I did 10 miles in one ride last week.
I am going faster than I was.
I didn't get to all of those things in my head on my own. My wife had to point them out to me. That's the problem with living in my head. I can't see the bigger picture. The bigger picture that shows that I am doing better.
Not better than she is.
Not better than other riders I know.
Better than I was.
My number this week is 242.