Saturday, January 26, 2008

Old

I had a dream the other night that I was trying to sleep. I think that means that I was really tired!

Some days I am really struggling with getting old. I worry what will happen to my wife and I when we are old and have no children to help us during that time of our life. I think I am worrying about this because my denial of my mother getting old is no longer feasible. She is in need of help, but not willing to accept much of it. She knows things are changing fast for her now and I suspect she is feeling a bit like she is in a whirpool and can't get out. The more you do, the more you can do, but if you don't do, you can't do. As her mind becomes less and less sharp, it will become less and less sharp. As her body becomes less and less able, it will become less and less able. I can't imagine a day when, if I were to find myself on the floor, I couldn't get myself up. Yet she is there. For what was once such a strong woman to face helplessness, I don't blame her for balking at NEEDING help.

So as I watch her struggle, I wonder about my future and worry. I feel aches and pains now that I never felt before. I see lines in my face I don't recall seeing before. And time just goes on... they say time flies when you're having fun, but I would tend to say that time flies faster as you get older. There doesn't seem to be any stopping it! I swear I woke up yesterday and it was Tuesday and I open my eyes now and it is Saturday night. Where did the week go?

Two months to 40. Sigh.

Just keep swimming Just keep swimming What do we do? We swim....

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